God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
