just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
