All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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