good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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