yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
