How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
