So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
