omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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