I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
