hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
