I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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