So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
