Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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