I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
