he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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