you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
