Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
