Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
