I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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