i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
