Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
