Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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