I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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