before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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