Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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