can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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