Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
