my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
