you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
