Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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