Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hippo gnu deer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
