I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I touched a dick in church today
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
