i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
