The maid of honor just puked.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
