Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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