The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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