I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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