Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
