I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
