let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
