I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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