I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You're like the curious george of whores
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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