I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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