Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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