so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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