well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
