Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found your dick twin last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
