dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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