I have demons in me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
