I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
