I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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