Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
