We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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