PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
