we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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